Sometimes ya just gotta do it. Take that risk. Put yourself out there. Try something new. Jump without knowing where you'll land. Surprise yourself.
Do you ever get that feeling? That excitement in your bones when you're about to do something you've never done before. That moment just before you leap, that rush. It can be scary. Exhilarating. Heartbreaking. Soul shaking. Or perhaps it feels like no big deal. But that shift, whether small or large is changing the direction of your life's path.
Sometimes a decision tweaks your path only slightly, and sometimes it creates a new one completely.
I spent a long time wading in my own mediocrity. I was traveling, exploring, experimenting. Life looked good from the outside. I was enjoying myself, but only in bits at a time. Inside I felt so far away from the person I wanted to be, the person I was portraying. I thought I cared for others, but I acted mostly out of selfishness. I thought I was satisfied, but I was living on temporary highs. I moved frequently, often changing states entirely. When I would get bored somewhere I would start over in a new place, back to square one. I didn't understand how to build a life. I thought I was just being adventurous, having a good time. But I was running. And running. And running. Though I must say the journey was truly magnificent. It was gorgeous. I was wow'd by majestic sights, met beautiful people, and explored many diverse environments. Throughout this "slump", I found myself changing. It was subtle. But it was happening.
I began to lose myself. And this was the greatest gift. It was the most profound period of discovery in my life so far. Freeing myself of the identities, attachments, grudges, and memories that I had clung to for so long, I began to see myself in a new light. I realized I was holding on so tightly to these stories because I thought they were a part of me. I believed people wouldn't understand me without them, that I wouldn't recognize myself without them. But this is simply not true.
In truth our memories aren't going anywhere. Our story is always changing, but it's supposed to. I mean c'mon, what good would a movie be without a nice plot twist? We can't plan for everything, so why would we try? Surprises are a part of the fun. When we let go of our past, we are free to be whoever we want to be RIGHT NOW. When we release ourselves from the "supposed tos" and "have tos", we regain our life. Only through giving up the illusion of control will we finally attain it. By letting go of past mistakes, future expectations, and toxic thinking patterns we have the chance to fully experience life as it truly is.
All of the changes in my life have only been possible because I allowed them to be. For a while I got really good at starting over. New beginnings were kinda my thing, and I enjoyed being the "new girl". Each move took courage, work, and tons of energy. I got tired.
I knew it was time for another change, but this time in a new direction. I seized an opportunity to start over. To build. To work on myself. To experience and grow where I am, rather than live lightyears ahead with false hope that the next place, person, or day would be my solution.
It's been difficult for me, the transition to Phoenix, AZ (still working on it). The desert is challenging, and at times frustrating. I still recognize this urge to move away when I get tired or bored, but I know the opportunities that have developed for me here are more than worthwhile. Each day I feel myself become more free. I feel stronger, more confident, and more comfortable in my skin than ever before. I feel empowered to speak my truth and share my ideas and creations. Even this site had to start somewhere.
I realize that this journey and path will never really end, and things will continue to change until the day I die. I hope to remain as open as I am now, and continue to enjoy the ride.
So yeah, taking a chance or starting over can be painful and scary, but it is also extremely gratifying and rewarding. It's a part of our growth.
One thing I know for certain, change is going to happen whether we like it or not. So it's a choice - do you want to spend your life swimming upstream, fighting your own current? Or do you want to fully flow and enjoy the ride?
It's easy to make excuses. It's easy to blame, be careless, and let life get you down. But it is never too late to start again. Take responsibility. Own it. Work it. ;)
So why not today? Why not now? Yes, right now!
Will you risk it for the biscuit? Are you ready to let life in and be the person you ARE, rather than who you think you're supposed to be? If the answer is yes there is only one thing left to do... begin!
"The best moments of your life lie on the other side of fear." -unknown