Updated: Feb 12, 2020

Here's some things I've been thinking about lately...

1) EVERYONE both contributes to and takes away from the world.

For example:

Maybe you're super into recycling but you drive an inefficient (on gasoline) vehicle and don't carpool or walk anywhere. Or maybe you're super into yoga but eat like crap. Or maybe you set personal goals that you don't reach, but you feel loved and happy anyways. Perhaps you're a math genius, but you can't figure out why your relationships fail. Maybe you believe in the power of eating vegan but can't because of dietary/ health issues. The list goes on.

What I'm trying to get at is that we all have our strengths and weaknesses. We don't all have to be doing the same things. We all show our love, care, and appreciation to the world in different ways. We all have our gifts. We all have our shortcomings. We fail. We triumph. We fail again. And that is OKAY.

So go easy on your neighbor, family, and coworkers. Let things go. See that everyone is just out here trying to create a life for themselves and do what's best for them. Trust that people will contribute to the world in their own way, and it's not up for you to dictate what's best for someone else.

2) It is truly all OKAY.

It is okay to be healthy, and IT IS OKAY TO BE SICK.

It is okay to feel confident, and IT IS OKAY TO FEEL INSECURE.

It is okay to succeed, and IT IS OKAY TO FUCK UP AND FAIL.

It is okay to be loved, and IT IS OKAY TO BE LONELY.

It is okay to be humble, and IT IS OKAY TO BE VAIN.

The list goes on.

Once we can accept the fact that it is truly a fucking FACT that experiencing "both sides" (not actually 2 dimensional*) of the coin is inevitable, we can start to see that all trials and tribulations are necessary to create a human experience at its whole. The world is ever-changing, going through phases, and so are we. We have ALL experienced the downswings of life. Once this is accepted, we can finally begin to heal and LET IT GO. The past. The heaviness. The questioning.

3) I'm so fuckin sick & tired of the photoshop (not yours, mine!)

Subscribing to the superficial is almost inevitable. Bombed by ads, trends, the hottest looks, latest gadgets, most expensive items, epic pictures, success stories left and right; we always have something new to obtain or strive for.

"Everybody SMILE!" & pretend like you're having a little bit more fun than you already are. The photo is important.

We sell ourselves. We market and advertise. Mainly for attention, but sometimes for money. We work hard to show off. We show off to feel good. We want to be liked. We want to be loved. We want to be worshiped.

We sexualize ourselves from a younger and younger age. We can all be models now. But we need to be interesting. But also on trend. Create a version of you that appeals to the masses. Then you'll be happy.

Is it good is it bad? I don't know. Honestly I don't really care. People are just people doin' them and I support that. Whatever floats your boat in my opinion! I enjoy all types of people and think that the fascination and interest in getting to know the obscure is something that really drives me. Woops, off topic..

Also, I definitely can't claim to be an exception. When I'm on Social Media I feel more anxious but it's also addicting. I know I feel better when I'm being creative and productive, yet I can sit on my phone for hours sometimes just scrolling. Does it make me feel good? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. Yes in small doses. I love following artists, musicians, athletes, and friends. Some days I look at all of it with calm, open eyes and I get stoked seeing what everyone's out there doing and also feel super supportive of everyone.

But some days I find myself comparing myself to people I admire and suddenly I feel like I'm not doing enough. Maybe I should post something? Or maybe there's something else I should be doing instead? It's all a big conundrum. Because in reality my answer is right there. I truly want to do SOMETHING instead of scrolling. Looking. Intaking. Whether it be contribute by posting or disconnecting for a while. But the pictures I've just bombarded my brain with tell me that the SOMETHINGS I should be doing are the somethings I've just seen, rather than the somethings that are right in front of me. Does that make sense? lol But wait wait wait. No one wants to be a copier. I want to be original. So what they're doing isn't actually what I want to be doing anyways, or I would already be doing it. Now we're back to square one and I must accept that I have chosen to scroll endlessly and let my fears wreak havoc for a sec. Haha I'm actually laughing while typing this. I can be tricky sometimes.

Anyways I always come around though. I toss the phone aside and do something for myself. Release all the information I just took in back into the world after passing through my perception. Write, sing, go outside, stretch, dance.. Who knows? Feels good to let go of it.

I just want to learn how to drop the unrealistic expectations I've created for myself. I think that's the journey I'm on right now. Some days I forget to take it easy. Some days I am super hard on myself for no apparent reason. I feel ashamed for not getting as "far" in life as I wished I were at this point. But most days. Most days I feel good. I feel proud of who I am and thankful to be alive. And those are the days I live for.